Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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