Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb