dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.