i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We smell like vodka and hangover
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