i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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