but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...