Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
