Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
