Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
