I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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