remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
