You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I deserve this hangover.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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