Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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