you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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