is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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