So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
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