I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
