nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
