i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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