THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
