So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
