...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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