I'm drive I can fine osifer
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
