how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
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Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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