Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize