My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
