You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
