he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
