The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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