Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need water and some morals
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
