both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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