His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
