We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
