Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize