I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
