plz talk dirty to me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
