batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
