I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
