If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
