Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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