your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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