I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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