The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
