Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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