I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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