i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
