Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
