I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You did what with his pubic hair?
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