She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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