He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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