Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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