just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
