I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize