We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
