Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
