Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize