Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
