Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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