At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
