Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I understand Curling. That high.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
