In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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