Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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