Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
