people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
