I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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