just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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