What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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