my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
