I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
