you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
