I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
