I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
