apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
