Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
