Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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