all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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