so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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