Soap is not a condiment
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
