On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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