I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
