Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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