Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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