He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will be naked everywhere
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
