I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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