I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
