He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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