Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
