I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
