Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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