If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
